Getting to Know Your Baby – Normal Behaviour and Settling Strategies

Getting to Know Your Baby – It’s a bit like speed dating!

Just like everyone else in the world, your baby has their own personality, temperament, likes and dislikes. It takes time to get to know them and what they’re trying to communicate to you. It can be a lot of trial and error – so don’t be hard on yourself if you feel like you aren’t getting it straight away! As the mother of a three year old – I still don’t get it right all of the time, and that’s ok. What’s important is that you keep trying and consistently responding to your child.

Let’s explore the various signals babies use to communicate their feelings, wants and needs.

Engagement Cues

“I’m happy to keep exploring this activity”

Open eyes: When babies have their eyes open and alert, it indicates their readiness to engage with their surroundings and caregivers.

Looking intently at their caregiver’s face: Babies often focus on faces, especially their caregivers’, because they are interested in human interaction and social connection.

Following objects, voices, and faces with their eyes: This demonstrates your baby’s ability to track movement and shows their curiosity about their environment.

Relaxed face: When babies have a relaxed facial expression, it suggests they are comfortable and content in their current situation.

Smooth body movements: Babies often have smoother, more fluid movements when they are relaxed and engaged, signalling their readiness to interact.

Smiling: Appearing at about 8 weeks of age, your baby’s smile is one of the earliest forms of social communication, indicating happiness, comfort, or enjoyment.

Feeding cues: These indicate hunger and a readiness to feed – you can see examples and read more about them on my other blog post: https://rainbowroadlactation.com.au/feeding-cues-clues-that-your-baby-is-hungry/

In this video, you can see the baby is looking at his Parent and maintaining eye contact. His body is relaxed, and he is happy to continue with this activity.

Disengagement Cues

I don’t want to do this activity anymore; I need something different.

Turning away or arching away: Babies may turn their head away, avoid eye contact, arch their back and/or use more “jerky” and “agitated” movements to indicate discomfort or that they need to change the activity.

Pushing away: This action suggests that the infant is seeking space or trying to move away from the activity. If they are feeding, they may not be feeling stable, so you may need to assess their position to make them feel more stable.

Crying: Crying is a primary form of communication for infants to express discomfort, hunger, fatigue, or other needs. It is also a late feeding cue.

Stiff hands and arms: When infants display stiff or rigid limbs, it can indicate tension or discomfort. Never force your baby’s limbs to move beyond any points of resistance.

Grimacing and furrowing their brow: Facial expressions such as frowning or grimacing may indicate discomfort, annoyance or displeasure.

Yawning: Yawning can signal tiredness, under-stimulation (boredom) or a need for a change in environment.

Falling asleep or drowsiness: Infants may fall asleep as a way to disengage from an activity.

In this video, you can see the Baby turn his head away from his Dad. This is the first signal that he needs something different. He then begins to do some jerky movements, frown, grimace, and begin to cry.
All are further signals he is no longer enjoying the activity.

A Note about Crying

Crying is a normal and important way for babies to communicate their distress or needs to caregivers. Reasons for crying include hunger, discomfort, wanting a change in environment, overstimulation or under-stimulation and illness.

Responsive caregiving helps lessen crying episodes, reducing both parental and infant stress. As you learn their signals and temperament, you will be able to respond to them more efficiently over time. The reality is – you won’t be able to settle them at their earliest signals every time, for example, when you’re driving in the car and it isn’t safe to pull over. You aren’t doing your baby damage by delaying your response in situations where you need to get to a safe space before you can respond to them. What is more important is that you are consistent in being responsive to them in most circumstances, because they will begin to trust that your comforting presence will be with them soon.

In those circumstances, such as the car trip example, don’t underestimate the power of your voice in communicating to and reassuring your baby (and also yourself). Explain to them what you are doing. “I can hear you baby, I am here. I will be with you soon. I can’t pull over right now, but you are safe and I am here. I will be with you soon.”

Crying behaviours start to increase from about 2 weeks of life, peaking at 6-8 weeks and lessening by around 12 weeks of age. Babies often have regular periods of fussiness, often in the evenings and termed ‘The Witching Hour’. You can read more information about the Witching Hour and normal infant fussiness in these articles over on KellyMom: https://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussybaby/ and https://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussy-evening/

Experiment with ways to settle and soothe your baby including:

  • Offering the breast or bottle frequently and flexibly – breastfeeds are more than just nutrition, they are also a comforting, sensory experience
  • Skin to Skin Contact
  • Baby wearing
  • Rhythmic and repetitive movements: rocking, swaying, bouncing
  • Warm baths
  • Pink or white noise
  • Singing, music, talking to your baby (don’t underestimate the power of letting your baby hear your voice).
  • Gentle massage or stroking while you cuddle them.
  • Getting into the fresh air
  • Going for a walk
  • Taking them to look at leaves on trees – very relaxing visual and sensory experience for many babies.

Getting to know your baby begins with spending time watching and in close proximity to them, having patience (for both yourself and your baby), and by being responsive and trying different strategies. Give yourself permission to experiment. By taking the time to watch your baby, you will start to learn their signals, and continue to build a deeper connection with them.

References:

Heinig, M. J., & Banuelos, J. (2024). Normal infant behavior (pp. 227-260). In B. Spencer, S. H. Campbell, K. Chamberlain (Eds.), Core Curriculum for Interdisciplinary Lactation Care (2nd ed.). Burlington, MA: Jones & Bartlett Learning.

Feeding Cues: Clues that your Baby is Hungry

Breastfeeding takes practice for both you and your baby. Feeding them at their earliest signs of hunger gives you more time to set yourself and your baby up for comfortable breastfeeding, and can make for a more settled baby during bottle feeding.

Your baby may wish to feed as often as 1 to 3 hourly, particularly in the first three months of life – the fourth trimester. The average baby feeds 8 to 12 times per day and depending on what your baby is experiencing at the time, they may need to feed more often e.g. physical growth spurts, periods of brain development or illness.

Feeding cues are clues that your baby is hungry and can be described as being early, middle, and late cues.

Don’t be hard on yourself if you miss the earlier feeding cues, in reality, it is impossible for you to catch them every time! It also takes time to learn your baby and their personality and temperament (it’s a bit like speed dating).

Early Feeding Cues – “I’m hungry”

  1. Rooting reflex: Turning their head side to side, or toward a touch on the cheek or mouth.
  2. Stirring: When your baby is waking from a sleep is a wonderful time to offer a feed.
  3. Mouthing and lip-smacking: Repetitive mouth movements or lip-smacking.
In this video you can see a demonstration of the three early feeding cues. Baby is stirring from sleep, he turns his head side-to-side as he searches for the breast, and he is licking his lips and mouthing for the breast.

Middle Feeding Cues: “I’m REALLY hungry.”

  1. Sucking on fists or fingers: Bringing their hands to their mouth and sucking.
  2. Increased alertness: Becoming more alert, wide-eyed, and attentive.
  3. Increasing physical movement: Stretching out, looking around
This Baby is sucking on his fist and becoming more alert – both are middle feeding cues.

Late Feeding Cues: “CALM ME, then feed me.”

  1. Crying: This is a late hunger cue and indicates that baby is upset.
  2. Restlessness and squirming: Fidgety or increased body movements.
  3. Redness: skin colour turning red.

Learning to recognise and respond to early and middle cues is helpful for establishing a responsive relationship and meeting the baby’s nutritional and attachment needs effectively. Addressing hunger before it escalates to crying also helps with creating a positive feeding experience for both the caregiver and the newborn.

Strategies to help calm a crying baby include rhythmic movements such as bouncing and rocking, holding them upright on your chest while walking and patting them, and talking to them – never underestimate the power of letting your baby hear your voice. You may also wish to check their nappy, as if they are wet or dirty that can impact their comfort while feeding.

Helpful Resources

Feeding Cues – Katie James IBCLC – Instagram Post

QLD Health Feeding Cues Poster

Skin to Skin Contact – How getting your shirt off can help with bonding, breastfeeding and improving your baby’s health!

If you are experiencing any form of breastfeeding challenges or periods of breast refusal, no matter the age of your baby – take both of your shirts off (and your Bra!) and try some Skin to Skin!

Skin to Skin (also known as Kangaroo Mother Care) is when you lay your baby with their bare skin, against your bare skin. Of course, they can wear a nappy for this – it will be cleaner if they do!

It is really helpful over the first weeks of life (and beyond) to spend as much time as possible doing this with your baby, because it helps them by:

  • Stabilising their Heart Rate, Breathing Rate, Temperature and Blood Sugar Levels.
  • Comforting them, as they can hear your heartbeat and smell you.
  • Encouraging baby to use their feeding reflexes – this helps familiarise them with your breasts and may end with them latching for a breastfeed.
  • Enabling free and easy access of the baby to your breast may help build your milk supply.
  • Stimulating the release of oxytocin, which helps you to calm and bond with baby.
  • Being a form of Tummy Time, which builds baby’s core, neck and shoulder strength in preparation for rolling – one of their next Motor Milestones!

During periods of Skin to Skin, you may even notice your baby doing the Breast Crawl, as demonstrated in this video from Lucy Webber (IBCLC).

Babies have the instincts to seek out their first breastfeed and when left in uninterrupted skin to skin contact, they are more likely to find the breast on their own! This is why I recommend families who are experiencing challenges with feeding, such as breast refusal and transitioning from bottle to breast, spend time Skin to Skin with their baby. You can even do this in the bath!

If you and your baby are well after birth, your baby should be placed on your bare chest immediately, with skin to skin being uninterrupted for as long as possible. Ask your midwife to support you with this. Unforeseen circumstances can happen during and after birth, and in the unfortunate event you and your baby become separated, begin skin to skin contact as soon as you are reunited.

If you are feeling tired or unwell, your support person can supervise you with your baby, or with your permission, they can take their shirt off and have baby on their chest for Skin to Skin contact.

If you would like more information on the benefits of Skin to Skin and information on The Breast Crawl, see the below references.

If you are having any breastfeeding challenges that you feel you need support with, you can book an appointment here or feel free to contact me with any questions by visiting my contact page: Contact – Rainbow Road Lactation

References

Moore, E. R., Bergman, N., Anderson, G. C., & Medley, N. (2016). Early skin-to-skin contact for mothers and their healthy newborn infants. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, (11), CD003519. https://doi.org/10.1002/14651858.CD003519.pub4


Widström, A., Brimdyr, K., Svensson, K., Cadwell, K., & Nissen, E. (2020). A plausible pathway of imprinted behaviors: Skin-to-skin actions of the newborn immediately after birth follow the order of fetal development and intrauterine training of movements. Medical Hypotheses, 134, 109432.