Getting to Know Your Baby – It’s a bit like speed dating!
Just like everyone else in the world, your baby has their own personality, temperament, likes and dislikes. It takes time to get to know them and what they’re trying to communicate to you. It can be a lot of trial and error – so don’t be hard on yourself if you feel like you aren’t getting it straight away! As the mother of a three year old – I still don’t get it right all of the time, and that’s ok. What’s important is that you keep trying and consistently responding to your child.
Let’s explore the various signals babies use to communicate their feelings, wants and needs.
Engagement Cues
“I’m happy to keep exploring this activity”
Open eyes: When babies have their eyes open and alert, it indicates their readiness to engage with their surroundings and caregivers.
Looking intently at their caregiver’s face: Babies often focus on faces, especially their caregivers’, because they are interested in human interaction and social connection.
Following objects, voices, and faces with their eyes: This demonstrates your baby’s ability to track movement and shows their curiosity about their environment.
Relaxed face: When babies have a relaxed facial expression, it suggests they are comfortable and content in their current situation.
Smooth body movements: Babies often have smoother, more fluid movements when they are relaxed and engaged, signalling their readiness to interact.
Smiling: Appearing at about 8 weeks of age, your baby’s smile is one of the earliest forms of social communication, indicating happiness, comfort, or enjoyment.
Feeding cues: These indicate hunger and a readiness to feed – you can see examples and read more about them on my other blog post: https://rainbowroadlactation.com.au/feeding-cues-clues-that-your-baby-is-hungry/
Disengagement Cues
“I don’t want to do this activity anymore; I need something different.“
Turning away or arching away: Babies may turn their head away, avoid eye contact, arch their back and/or use more “jerky” and “agitated” movements to indicate discomfort or that they need to change the activity.
Pushing away: This action suggests that the infant is seeking space or trying to move away from the activity. If they are feeding, they may not be feeling stable, so you may need to assess their position to make them feel more stable.
Crying: Crying is a primary form of communication for infants to express discomfort, hunger, fatigue, or other needs. It is also a late feeding cue.
Stiff hands and arms: When infants display stiff or rigid limbs, it can indicate tension or discomfort. Never force your baby’s limbs to move beyond any points of resistance.
Grimacing and furrowing their brow: Facial expressions such as frowning or grimacing may indicate discomfort, annoyance or displeasure.
Yawning: Yawning can signal tiredness, under-stimulation (boredom) or a need for a change in environment.
Falling asleep or drowsiness: Infants may fall asleep as a way to disengage from an activity.
All are further signals he is no longer enjoying the activity.
A Note about Crying
Crying is a normal and important way for babies to communicate their distress or needs to caregivers. Reasons for crying include hunger, discomfort, wanting a change in environment, overstimulation or under-stimulation and illness.
Responsive caregiving helps lessen crying episodes, reducing both parental and infant stress. As you learn their signals and temperament, you will be able to respond to them more efficiently over time. The reality is – you won’t be able to settle them at their earliest signals every time, for example, when you’re driving in the car and it isn’t safe to pull over. You aren’t doing your baby damage by delaying your response in situations where you need to get to a safe space before you can respond to them. What is more important is that you are consistent in being responsive to them in most circumstances, because they will begin to trust that your comforting presence will be with them soon.
In those circumstances, such as the car trip example, don’t underestimate the power of your voice in communicating to and reassuring your baby (and also yourself). Explain to them what you are doing. “I can hear you baby, I am here. I will be with you soon. I can’t pull over right now, but you are safe and I am here. I will be with you soon.”
Crying behaviours start to increase from about 2 weeks of life, peaking at 6-8 weeks and lessening by around 12 weeks of age. Babies often have regular periods of fussiness, often in the evenings and termed ‘The Witching Hour’. You can read more information about the Witching Hour and normal infant fussiness in these articles over on KellyMom: https://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussybaby/ and https://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussy-evening/
Experiment with ways to settle and soothe your baby including:
- Offering the breast or bottle frequently and flexibly – breastfeeds are more than just nutrition, they are also a comforting, sensory experience
- Skin to Skin Contact
- Baby wearing
- Rhythmic and repetitive movements: rocking, swaying, bouncing
- Warm baths
- Pink or white noise
- Singing, music, talking to your baby (don’t underestimate the power of letting your baby hear your voice).
- Gentle massage or stroking while you cuddle them.
- Getting into the fresh air
- Going for a walk
- Taking them to look at leaves on trees – very relaxing visual and sensory experience for many babies.
Getting to know your baby begins with spending time watching and in close proximity to them, having patience (for both yourself and your baby), and by being responsive and trying different strategies. Give yourself permission to experiment. By taking the time to watch your baby, you will start to learn their signals, and continue to build a deeper connection with them.
References:
Heinig, M. J., & Banuelos, J. (2024). Normal infant behavior (pp. 227-260). In B. Spencer, S. H. Campbell, K. Chamberlain (Eds.), Core Curriculum for Interdisciplinary Lactation Care (2nd ed.). Burlington, MA: Jones & Bartlett Learning.